Sometimes I am convinced that motherhood is far more emotional and leaves one far more vulnerable than falling in love. Unconditionally loved, ferociously protected, and forever worried about, children burrow their little way straight into the center of our hearts, nearly leaching our life right from us... OK... so that is a bit dramatic and perhaps even a disturbing way to describe it. But that's how I felt for a while yesterday. Chick Magnet and I went to the dentist. As I believe all of you know, Chick Magnet has a very severe speech disorder called Childhood Apraxia of Speech. When he speaks, he is difficult to understand. The chance of him ever speaking like us "normal talkers" is grim. So there we were in the waiting room, watching the making of the Disney movie "Meet the Robinsons." They were showing the actors in the recording booths doing the voices for the movie characters. Chick Magnet's eyes LIT UP!
"Mom! Mom! I want to do that when I am a grown up!"
"That would be cool, buddy!" I reply half paying attention.
"Mom! Really! I want to do that! Look at it! Look at them!"
Chick Magnet sat quietly for a moment. Then his whole demeanor changed. His eyebrows furrowed. His lips frowned. His shoulders slouched. Then he said, as if choosing his words very carefully;
"Would they ever ALLOW someone with apraxia to do that?"
His eyes searched mine for a twinkle of hope. I struggled to sound as confident as possible.
"ABSOLUTELY! You can do WHATEVER you want to do! You can be WHATEVER you want to be, buddy!"
He contemplated my response a minute, and then in his sweet and slushy apraxic voice, began to copy the lines from the movie, practicing for his future career. I sat there feeling yet another crumb of my heart break off and tumble away...
4 comments:
I hope I can type this through my tears. . .but before I get too gushy, I will say this - I have no doubt that your kids (and my kids, too) can and will surpass every hope and dream we have for them. . .they just might have to go about it in a new way. But, we can't help feeling every hurt they might feel amplified by thousands - they are little pieces of our heart walking around outside our bodies! They are very lucky to have you as a mommy who will encourage and push them every step of the way. . .
kudos to you for not completely losing right then and there. oi.
As I sit here listening to your perfectly chosen music, and reading your newest entry,,, I am about to leave the house to present to another group of hopeful parents of children with special needs. In God's wonderful timing, I have taken the time to read your thoughts and feelings. Well done, beautifl, heartfelt and always articulate! Thanks for grounding my thoughts before preceding tonight! Our children are put here on earth to show us our path, however rocky, but always telling. May we never lose that hope that we have for their lives to be fruitful and blessed.
Wow, I don't really have any words that convey how I feel. (Terri did not get her writing skills from me!) Just a beautful, heartfelt, post. Thank you.
Jeanne
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